U.S. Army Soldier Identifies as Airman, Receives Transition Support

Fayetteville, NC – A Fort Bragg Soldier from the 82nd Airborne Division has come forward saying that he “identifies” more as an Airman. Specialist Bradley Roberts, who has now asked to be referred to as Senior Airman Roberts, describes his journey through this transition.

“I’ve always felt different from my peers in the Army—like I didn’t quite belong, or that I had to fake being a certain way to fit in.”

His commander, a Lieutenant Colonel who wished to remain anonymous, declined to meet for an interview out of fear for his own career. But during our brief phone conversation he explained, “Look, I want to retire after this command, maybe less than a year from now. I don’t need this PC shit, so I’m just giving him whatever he wants. I’d rather do that than turn myself and this unit into some national media magnet.”

SrA Roberts has asked his chain of command to support his transition to the Air Force “lifestyle” by moving him out of the junior enlisted barracks and into post housing that is normally intended for field grade officers. He is also no longer required to go to the field with his unit, and has instead been given an office job where his only responsibility is studying traffic patterns on post to determine if the speed limit should be lowered, or if any new speedbumps need to be added. And under no circumstances will he ever be required to carry a rucksack on his now fragile, atrophying shell of a body.

“I’m much happier now…like, I finally have everything I need to serve my country in my own special way,” SrA Roberts explains to me from his 750 square foot office (formally the unit day room). “I have this huge mahogany desk with matching credenza and a leather chair. Just look at my framed pictures of fighter jets on the walls and how blazing fast my internet is now!”

SrA Roberts has been afforded a number of other Air Force-like luxuries. For example, attractive woman have been brought in and paid to stand near him at all times to create the feeling of being on a real Air Force Base. His duty day has been shortened to 4 hours and he has a standing tee-time at the local golf course every Tuesday and Thursday. Additionally, rather than eating at the Army chow hall with the rest of his unit, he is given an enhanced stipend so he can eat only at 5-star restaurants.

When I asked his First Sergeant how he felt about having that blue “Smurf” uniform in his Army-Green formation, he did not verbally respond, but immediately punched me in the throat and put me into some kind of a choke hold until I blacked out. Upon waking up, he apologized but quickly proceeded to knife-hand me and say “Listen, shitlips, I’m not prejudiced against SrA Roberts. I hate everyone in this unit equally. Now get of my AO before I literally eat your face.”

I reached out to the LBGTQ community for a comment, (as they often champion stories of this nature), to which they responded with, “Wait, I’m confused. What the hell are you talking about right now?”

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